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2007年11月課題 - (2007/11/10 (土) 22:52:32) のソース
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<strong><span style="font-size: 12pt">Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life
with the Heart of a Buddha</span></strong> <strong><span style=
"font-size: 12pt"> </span></strong>
<strong><em><span style="font-size: 12pt">by</span></em></strong> <a href=
"http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?ATH=Tara+Brach&z=y">
<strong><em><span style=
"font-size: 12pt; color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none">
Tara Brach</span></em></strong></a><span id=
"fck_dom_range_start_1194702641218_579"> </span></div>
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<p> </p>
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"font-size: 12pt; color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none">
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<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>①<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>You will be walking some night . . .<br>
It will be clear to you suddenly<br>
that you were about to escape,<br>
and that you are guilty: you misread<br>
the complex instructions, you are not<br>
a member, you lost your card<br>
or never had one . . .<br>
<br>
Wendell Berry<span style="color: red">』</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>②<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>For years I've had a recurring dream in which I am caught
in a futile struggle to get somewhere. Sometimes I'm running up a hill;
sometimes I am climbing over boulders or swimming against a current. Often a
loved one is in trouble or something bad is about to happen. My mind is
speeding frantically, but my body feels heavy and exhausted; I move as if
through molasses. I know I should be able to handle the problem, but no matter
how hard I try, I can't get where I need to go. Completely alone and shadowed
by the fear of failure, I am trapped in my dilemma. Nothing else in the world
exists but that.<span style="color: red">』</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>③<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>This dream captures the essence of the trance of
unworthiness. In our dreams we often seem to be the protagonist in a
pre-scripted drama, fated to react to our circumstances in a given way. We seem
unaware that choices and options might exist. When we are in the trance and
caught up in our stories and fears about how we might fail, we are in much the
same state. We are living in a waking dream that completely defines and
delimits our experience of life. The rest of the world is merely a backdrop as
we struggle to get somewhere, to be a better person, to accomplish, to avoid
making mistakes. As in a dream, we take our stories to be the truth--a
compelling reality--and they consume most of our attention. While we eat lunch
or drive home from work, while wetalk to our partners or read to our children
at night, we continue to replay our worries and plans. Inherent in the trance
is the belief that no matter how hard we try, we are always, in some way,
falling short.<span style="color: red">』</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>④<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate
from others, separate from life. If we are defective, how can we possibly
belong? It's a vicious cycle: The more deficient we feel, the more separate and
vulnerable we feel. Underneath our fear of being flawed is a more primal fear
that something is wrong with life, that something bad is going to happen. Our
reaction to this fear is to feel blame, even hatred, toward whatever we
consider the source of the problem: ourselves, others, life itself. But even
when we have directed our aversion outward, deep down we still feel
vulnerable.<span style="color: red">』</span><br>
<br>
Our feelings of unworthiness and alienation from others give rise to various
forms of suffering. For some, the most glaring expression is addiction. It may
be to alcohol, food or drugs. Others feel addicted to a relationship, dependent
on a particular person or people in order to feel they are complete and that
life is worth living. Some try to feel important through long hours of grueling
work--an addiction that our culture often applauds. Some create outer enemies
and are always at war with the world.<br>
<br>
The belief that we are deficient and unworthy makes it difficult to trust that
we are truly loved. Many of us live with an undercurrent of depression or
hopelessness about ever feeling close to other people. We fear that if they
realize we are boring or stupid, selfish or insecure, they'll reject us. If
we're not attractive enough, we may never be loved in an intimate, romantic
way. We yearn for an unquestioned experience of belonging, to feel at home with
ourselves and others, at ease and fully accepted. But the trance of
unworthiness keeps the sweetness of belonging out of reach.</div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>⑤<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>The trance of unworthiness intensifies when our lives feel
painful and out of control. We may assume that our physical sickness or
emotional depression is our own fault--the result of our bad genes or our lack
of discipline and willpower. We may feel that the loss of a job or a painful
divorce is a reflection of our personal flaws. If we had only done better, if
we were somehow different, things would have gone right. While we might place
the blame on someone else, we still tacitly blame ourselves for getting into
the situation in the first place.<span style="color: red">』</span><br>
<br>
Even if we ourselves are not suffering or in pain, if someone close to us--a
partner or a child--is, we can take this as further proof of our inadequacy.
One of my psychotherapy clients has a thirteen-year-old son who was diagnosed
with attention deficit disorder. She has tried everything she can to
help--doctors, diet, acupuncture, drugs, love. Yet still he suffers from
academic setbacks and feels socially isolated. He is convinced that he is a
"loser" and, out of pain and frustration, frequently lashes out in rage.
Regardless of her loving efforts, she lives in anguish, feeling that she is
failing her son and should be doing more.</div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 18pt; text-indent: -18pt"><span>⑥<span style=
"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"><span style=
"color: red">『</span>The trance of unworthiness doesn't always show up as overt
feelings of shame and deficiency. When I told a good friend that I was writing
about unworthiness and how pervasive it is, she took issue. "My main challenge
isn't shame, it's pride," she insisted. This woman, a successful writer and
teacher, told me how easily she gets caught up in feeling superior to others.
She finds many people mentally slow and boring. Because so many people admire
her, she often rides surges of feeling special and important. "I'm embarrassed
to admit it," she said, "and maybe this is where shame fits in. But I like
having people look up to me . . . that's when I feel good about myself." My
friend is playing out the flip side of the trance. She went on to acknowledge
that during dry periods, times when she isn't feeling productive or useful or
admired, she does slip into feeling unworthy. Rather than simply recognizing
her talents and enjoying her strengths, she needs the reassurance of feeling
special or superior.<span style="color: red">』</span><br>
<br>
Convinced that we are not good enough, we can never relax. We stay on guard,
monitoring ourselves for shortcomings. When we inevitably find them, we feel
even more insecure and undeserving. We have to try even harder. The irony of
all of this is . . . where do we think we are going anyway? One meditation
student told me that he felt as if he were steamrolling through his days,
driven by the feeling that he needed to do more. In a wistful tone he added,
"I'm skimming over life and racing to the finish line--death."<br>
<br>
When I talk about the suffering of unworthiness in my meditation classes, I
frequently notice students nodding their heads, some of them in tears. They may
be realizing for the first time that the shame they feel is not their own
personal burden, that it is felt by many. Afterward some of them stay to talk.
They confide that feeling undeserving has made it impossible for them to ask
for help or to let themselves feel held by another's love. Some recognize that
their sense of unworthiness and insecurity has kept them from realizing their
dreams. Often students tell me that their habit of feeling chronically
deficient has made them continually doubt that they are meditating correctly
and mistrust that they are growing spiritually.<br>
<br>
A number of them have told me that, in their early days on the spiritual path,
they assumed their feelings of inadequacy would be transcended through a
dedicated practice of meditation. Yet even though meditation has helped them in
important ways, they find that deep pockets of shame and insecurity have a
stubborn way of persisting--sometimes despite decades of practice. Perhaps they
have pursued a style of meditation that wasn't well suited for their emotional
temperament, or perhaps they needed the additional support of psychotherapy to
uncover and heal deep wounds. Whatever the reasons, the failure to relieve this
suffering through spiritual practice can bring up a basic doubt about whether
we can ever be truly happy and free.<br>
<br>
Bringing an Unworthy Self into Spiritual Life<br>
<br>
In their comments, I hear echoes of my own story. After graduating from
college, I moved into an ashram, a spiritual community, and enthusiastically
devoted myself to the lifestyle for almost twelve years. I felt I had found a
path through which I could purify myself and transcend the imperfections of my
ego--the self and its strategies. We were required to awaken every day at 3:30
a.m., take a cold shower, and then from four until six-thirty do a sadhana
(spiritual discipline) of yoga, meditation, chanting and prayer. By breakfast
time I often felt as if I were floating in a glowing, loving, blissful state. I
was at one with the loving awareness I call the Beloved and experienced this to
be my own deepest essence. I didn't feel bad or good about myself, I just felt
good.<br>
<br>
By the end of breakfast, or a bit later in the morning, my habitual thoughts
and behaviors would start creeping in again. Just as they had in college, those
ever-recurring feelings of insecurity and selfishness would let me know I was
falling short. Unless I found the time for more yoga and meditation, I would
often find myself feeling once again like my familiar small-minded, not-okay
self. Then I'd go to bed, wake up and start over again.<br>
<br>
While I touched genuine peace and openheartedness, my inner critic continued to
assess my level of purity. I mistrusted myself for the ways I would pretend to
be positive when underneath I felt lonely or afraid. While I loved the yoga and
meditation practices, I was embarrassed by my need to impress others with the
strength of my practice. I wanted others to see me as a deep meditator and
devoted yogi, a person who served her world with care and generosity.
Meanwhile, I judged other people for being slack in their discipline, and
judged myself for being so judgmental. Even in the midst of community, I often
felt lonely and alone.<br>
<br>
I had the idea that if I really applied myself, it would take eight to ten
years to release all my self-absorption and be wise and free. Periodically I
would consult teachers I admired from various other spiritual traditions: "So,
how am I doing? What else can I do?" Invariably, they would respond, "Just
relax." I wasn't exactly sure what they meant, but I certainly didn't think it
could be "just relax." How could they mean that? I wasn't "there" yet.<br>
<br>
Chögyam Trungpa, a contemporary Tibetan Buddhist teacher, writes, "The problem
is that ego can convert anything to its own use, even spirituality." What I
brought to my spiritual path included all my needs to be admired, all my
insecurities about not being good enough, all my tendencies to judge my inner
and outer world. The playing field was larger than my earlier pursuits, but the
game was still the same: striving to be a different and better person.<br>
<br>
In retrospect, it is no surprise that my self-doubts were transferred intact
into my spiritual life. Those who feel plagued by not being good enough are
often drawn to idealistic worldviews that offer the possibility of purifying
and transcending a flawed nature. This quest for perfection is based in the
assumption that we must change ourselves to belong. We may listen longingly to
the message that wholeness and goodness have always been our essence, yet still
feel like outsiders, uninvited guests at the feast of life.<br>
<br>
A Culture That Breeds Separation and Shame</div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt; text-indent: -10.5pt"> </div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt">Several years ago a small group of
Buddhist teachers and psychologists from the United States and Europe invited
the Dalai Lama to join them in a dialogue about emotions and health. During one
of their sessions, an American vipassana teacher asked him to talk about the
suffering of self-hatred. A look of confusion came over the Dalai Lama's face.
"What is self-hatred?" he asked. As the therapists and teachers in the room
tried to explain, he looked increasingly bewildered. Was this mental state a
nervous disorder? he asked them. When those gathered confirmed that self-hatred
was not unusual but rather a common experience for their students and clients,
the Dalai Lama was astonished. How could they feel that way about themselves,
he wondered, when "everybody has Buddha nature."</div>
<div style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt 10.5pt">While all humans feel ashamed of
weakness and afraid of rejection, our Western culture is a breeding ground for
the kind of shame and self-hatred the Dalai Lama couldn't comprehend. Because
so many of us grew up without a cohesive and nourishing sense of family,
neighborhood, community or "tribe," it is not surprising that we feel like
outsiders, on our own and disconnected. We learn early in life that any
affiliation--with family and friends, at school or in the workplace--requires
proving that we are worthy. We are under pressure to compete with each other,
to get ahead, to stand out as intelligent, attractive, capable, powerful,
wealthy. Someone is always keeping score.<br>
<br>
After a lifetime of working with the poor and the sick, Mother Teresa's
surprising insight was: "The biggest disease today is not leprosy or
tuberculosis but rather the feeling of not belonging." In our own society, this
disease has reached epidemic proportions. We long to belong and feel as if we
don't deserve to.<br>
<br>
Buddhism offers a basic challenge to this cultural worldview. The Buddha taught
that this human birth is a precious gift because it gives us the opportunity to
realize the love and awareness that are our true nature. As the Dalai Lama
pointed out so poignantly, we all have Buddha nature. Spiritual awakening is
the process of recognizing our essential goodness, our natural wisdom and
compassion.</div>
<p><span style="font-size: 10.5pt">In stark contrast to this trust in our
inherent worth, our culture's guiding myth is the story of Adam and Eve's exile
from the Garden of Eden. We may forget its power because it seems so worn and
familiar, but this story shapes and reflects the deep psyche of the West. The
message of "original sin" is unequivocal: Because of our basically flawed
nature, we do not deserve to be happy, loved by others, at ease with life. We
are outcasts, and if we are to reenter the garden, we must redeem our sinful
selves. We must overcome our flaws by controlling our bodies, controlling our
emotions, controlling our natural surroundings, controlling other people. And
we must strive tirelessly--working, acquiring, consuming, achieving, e-mailing,
overcommitting and rushing--in a never-ending quest to prove ourselves once and
for all.<br>
<br>
Growing up Unworthy<br>
<br>
In their book Stories of the Spirit, Jack Kornfield and Christina Feldman tell
this story: A family went out to a restaurant for dinner. When the waitress
arrived, the parents gave their orders. Immediately, their five-year-old
daughter piped up with her own: "I'll have a hot dog, french fries and a Coke."
"Oh no you won't," interjected the dad, and turning to the waitress he said,
"She'll have meat loaf, mashed potatoes, milk." Looking at the child with a
smile, the waitress said, "So, hon, what do you want on that hot dog?" When she
left, the family sat stunned and silent. A few moments later the little girl,
eyes shining, said, "She thinks I'm real."<br>
<br></span></p>
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